M is for . . . MRI: 5 ways to keep your cool

An MRI is not as loud as you’ve been told and does not last as long as you think. You may not even have to put on a hospital gown. Given these facts you should be confident about sliding into the cylinder that will photograph your insides, but here are five things that helped me stay calm through the process.

1. Listen to the sounds of the machine

When the beep-boop-beep . . . dee-da-deep . . . rhhhhhh sound started I thought:

a) I have been watching too much SciFy channel and ComicCon was just here in San Diego because these noises are not loud and scary, but rather more like if R2D2 was speaking in Dalek. Too nerdy? Try option b.

b) Imagine it as music, like an EDM Coachella remix of an Owl City song from the first LP you never heard, except the beat never drops. Still nope? Try c.

c) The sound is choreographed enough to flow together, but more like a cheap ringtone that you purchased that does not sound like a song and starts over before you ever get to the chorus.

Whether you hear a, b, or c, it isn’t the loud incessant, scary clanging that I imagined. I have never had an MRI before so I can only imagine I got these ideas from Grey’s Anatomy, but it is not as bad as I thought.

2. Dress like you’re going to yoga class. (It’s like the gym but with flip flops.)

Stretchy, underwire free yoga bra. (I call it a yoga bra because you’d have to be crazy to workout in one, but it is cotton and spandex, just supportive enough for lying down, and is free of metal clasps and underwire.) I would recommend an ensemble of stretchy pants, tank top, long sleeved t-shirt, and zipper free pullover because hospitals are notoriously freezing. Flip flops are key because you can wear them right up to the machine bed and slip out without hassle or your little feetsies touching the ground.

3. Behave as if you have insomnia and embrace it.

You know when you finally snuggle into bed, your head rests on your soft pillow, and you are so excited for a long night of sleep ahead, but then a flood of thoughts and images flashes through your brain while you struggle to deep breathe and swear you will make a to-do list tomorrow and actually do it so you can sleep at night? Well this is your time to lie down, rest your head on a pillow, and let all those annoying thoughts come by and say hello. It may sound crazy, but it takes up time. Think of all the sleep we lose to our “today I should have” or “tomorrow I will” list, but right now its ok to “lose” all this time. Just write that imaginary to do list because you ain’t got nothin’ better to do.

4. Breathe like you are scuba diving, trying to impress your yoga teacher, or tiptoeing through your baby’s room because you forgot your phone.

Long, slow, deep breaths with imperceptible movements. You draw in that breath so carefully and fully that your chest and belly barely move. I am so competitive in yoga class that I compete with my deep breathing, but if this doesn’t strike a chord with you, imagine staying steady on squeaky floor boards in your baby’s room. You know there is that one board that makes a small squawk, that you swear never existed in your house before the baby but now you manage to step on every time? If you start breathing rapidly your sleeping babe will notice and you can’t make quick movements around that squeaky board, so slow and steady.

5. When the moment comes to enter the machine, pretend you are going to sleep and don’t open your eyes.

Ok, what I really mean is pretend you are watching a scary movie and making your significant other/BFF/brother tell you when the bad part is over. You cover your eyes but there is a weird desire to peak. Just don’t do it. Like your kid at a sleepover pretending that just because the lights are out, they are all in bed sleeping like angels at 9 pm. Keep your eyes closed when they start moving the bed into the machine and do not peak. (And if you do, it is just a white machine, nothing crazy to see anyhow, but the claustrophobia freaked me out a bit.)

#hospital #health