N is for Names: How to Come Up with the Perfect Baby Name

One time I was drunk at a party and I told someone I wanted to name my future baby Rilo and for the rest of the night people were patting my stomach and saying "hi!" to imaginary unborn baby Rilo.

I sobered up and retired the name Rilo for any of my future offspring--but I did not give up my fascination with baby names. I love reading name meanings, hearing what other people's favorite names are, and creating impossibly long lists of future baby names.

But when it came time to name my own actual child, it was much harder than doodling on a notebook. My husband and I had totally different name preferences and we had the hardest time picking a name that was epic, uncommon, easy to spell and pronounce, hard to make fun of, cool sounding, and meaningful. When we finally decided on our name, months before we met our little guy, it was the only name we could have picked.

Here's how we picked our name, from someone who is obsessed:

1. Lists, lists, lists

I made a list of names, my husband made a list of names. We read lists of names from other countries. We made combined lists, we exchanged lists, we crossed names off lists. I am someone who LOVES reading everything possible about a subject and when it came to names, I just wanted to see all of them. But what it mostly helped with is learning what I didn't want (besides everything my husband did) and helped me understand the kinds of names that I do like and kept popping up on my lists. One of the lists I read through was the Top Baby Names in Australia--and that's where I first saw the name Archer.

2. Reading books

My mom found my name when she was reading a book and someone was named "Erica's mom" and she liked the sound of it and decided to name me Erica so that she could be "Erica's mom." Aside from all of the literary names that we're seeing more and more of now--Harper, Scout, Holden--books show how names are used in different contexts and remind you of combinations, nicknames, unusual words, and sounds that you may not have come up with otherwise. Recently I fell in love with the name Esme from the book "For Esme, with Love and Squalor."

3. Going through the family tree

My grandfather was named Guernsey, and I had a great great grandmother named Ralpha. My husband had a grandfather named Valerie. Not only are older names sounding more and more charming and classic these days, there is also just a treasure trove of unusual and unheard names hidden back there in your family. Plus, if you find one you like you have a real claim to it: "It's a family name" is one of the oldest traditions and pretty hard to question.

4. Looking for intitals

My son and husband share their initials of AKW and I love that they have this in common. Now, whenever I look at names I have a preference for names that start with A and E. I think its the same principle of looking for a dress: its hard to find a pretty dress, but its a bit more approachable if you are looking for a pretty green dress. Likewise, finding one name in 20 bajillion that speaks to your heart and that your kid will be saddled with forever is hard, but finding a good name that starts with H? Much more approachable.

5. Looking for meaning

I love reading about the meanings of names, and I love when parents have that in their stories of how they named their baby. There is a famous story in my group of friends when my friend and I, who always went by our last names because we had the same first name, started talking about the meanings of our names and bonding about how the meanings of our names was so similiar...because we had the same goddamn name and we had just forgotten. But I love the meaning of my name "powerful leader" and I look for names that have similar positive and inspiring words behind them.